we don't have a tv on purpose. however, we do have a borrowed portable dvd player that we keep around for movies. it's like watching a moving postcard. i'm happy to have it.
so in the dom rep we watched season one of grey's anatomy and liked it.
on our way to honduras we got stuck in texas. we stayed the night and watched three episodes of current grey's and got interested all over again. so a couple of weeks ago i borrowed season two of grey's from the library. we were hooked. for about 15 episodes, we watched one or two every night. it was kinda fun to have some sort of tv addiction.
then the night before thanksgiving we watched three shows and vowed we're never watching it again. it went ridiculous. i mean, just plain psycho and dramatic. way too dramatic. i hate that. so just like that we're over it. we're returning it without watching the last few episodes of season two. i don't care to see it again.
and i feel good about that.
tonight friends directed us towards the sopranos. ha. yeah. we're going to try something else.
season one, sopranos. we'll see.

we went to honduras. it was a difficult trip, but we're glad we went. the kids are so big. we felt a little out of sorts. i'm still trying to process the whole thing.
i think a lot of it has to do with that while we were there we were a pretty important part of the project. this time around we weren't at all... i was at a loss. the kids all responded to us in different ways... some ways that i wasn't really ready for.
it was emotional.
we didn't take finn. i think it was a good decision. but we did miss him a lot. and were ready to be home when it was time.

so, last time i was pregnant, as things progressed, doug told me that i was just a different person when pregnant. i think it was difficult for him as well as beautiful to him to see me birth from his lover to a mother. i didn't realize the affect that pregnancy had on me... except to say that i will admit that i was obsessed with pregnancy... it was hard for me to think of anything else.
this time around i hardly remember i'm pregnant. this baby doesn't seem to move around as much as finn did... or is it that i'm not paying close attention.
finn keeps me very busy and i love him.
i thought though that our trip to honduras would give doug and i a chance to just be us again. and it wasn't really like that. i'm still pregnant. i'm not all here. i'm tired, and when we get into bed, cuddling up just doesn't work anymore. i never wanted my first pregnancy to be over. i'm not desperate now, but when this baby comes, i'll be happy to be on to the next season of our lives... adjusting to two babies instead of one... living in our house... creating a home. i'm looking forward to the birth. i believe i can do it. i hope that our midwife makes it in time. i'm totally dependent on my best friend and lover. he is strength and a constant for me. i love him.

so i've had poison ivy for two weeks now. it's really horrible. i told doug i'd rather give birth than have it again. i guess that will happen sooner than later. but seriously, i cried every shower... and had to practice my pain tolerance/diversion skills that i learned in my last labor.
it's not over yet. i had to go to the ER and get on drugs. not thrilled about that. i was losing my mind and not sleeping at night. it (the not sleeping at night) actually made me nervous about having two kids... i'm a much better mother, wife and person when i have a good night sleep.

i'm at 32 weeks now. i have one more visit at my midwife's house, then she'll come to mine. then we're almost to the end... crazy. i'm feeling good though. i miss the beach. but i love our home and land. finn and i take walks on our property each day. one of his favorite things to do is "wa woo" which means go for a walk in the woods. he'll do it in the pitch dark if we let him. he's not scared.

so yeah, finn is great. he has so much personality. everyone said we'd like each stage he goes through just as much as the last, i never believed it. but it's true. now i see little baby blobs and think... what's the point to that? :) ha. i'm ready to be so unimpressed by this new baby.

finn gets put in "time out" at least once a day. he's testing us. i say "no" and he looks at me and just does it. he obviously gets this from his father. :) and he's pretty smart too... if he thinks he's been in time out too long, he tries to convince me that he needs out by saying "poo-poo potty". it worked the first two times. but when i get him to the potty he refuses by saying "no, not". so i'm on to him now. he's not even two! how can he know to do things to me already! i think he gets this from his daddy too.

we have a love/hate relationship with chloe.
and ophia will probably freeze this winter if we can't find her a home. she's meant to be an indoor cat and we can't have that. any takers? she's really sweet.

i made pumpkin pie from scratch not long ago.
i crave meats. i'm always thinking about getting more protein.
my sister has an awesome mini-meatloaf recipe.
yummy salad... lettuce, green onion, feta cheese, chopped walnuts, apple, gingerly vinigerette dressing. love it.
finn loves apples. he'll eat the whole thing, core and all.
i randomly love broccoli, steamed with butter, salt and pepper.
oh and chocolate milk. yum.

so the biggest thing on my mind right now is honduras... doug and i finally bought tickets to go see the kids! i'm super excited and nervous too... it's just going to be unbelievably weird i think. they are going to be so big! and going to have changed a lot.

we decided not to take finn. i'm SO back and forth about it that doug's about to kill me. it's an 8 day trip... this will seem like forever to be away from him. every time i think about leaving him i start to cry. crazy. i guess i've grown pretty fond of that little one. he's just so wonderful right now... figuring things out and learning what's what. he's talking all the time and he LOVES his mama and daddy so much. :)

but i think the time alone will be good for d and i... before this second baby comes. and it will be good for us to be with the mdl kids without finn because then we won't be so distracted, and we'll be able to be a little more free with our time schedule...

oops, finn's waking from his nap.
peace out.

i wake up with doug at 6am. i make him lunch, he makes french press and feeds chloe and sometimes ophia (we're kinda over ophia right now, so sometimes she doesn't get her food until later).
finn usually doesn't wake until about 8am so i have time to myself. this usually looks like... morning prayers, yoga, hot tea or coffee, journaling or art.
when he gets up we straighten up the upstairs and then eat breakfast together. he likes oatmeal, eggs and toast or cereal.
after breakfast is his most patient time of day... so he plays around the house while i clean or cook or do little projects. i often take breaks to read stories, build towers or color.
around 11 we'll take a walk... usually to millie's house to return egg cartons and say hello.
afterwards we eat lunch and then get ready for naptime... more books, a paci and a bear to say sleep tight.
while he's asleep i can get things done... canning or freezing foods, organizing the house, working in the garden, mowing the lawn, raking leaves, prepare dinner.
around 3:30 finn wakes and we have a snack and then head outside for the rest of the afternoon waiting for daddy to come home. we play with chloe, clean out the garden, take things to the compost, walk around the farm.
when daddy arrives everyone is pretty excited. we walk around... finn gets to climb the magnolia tree and help him with the wood pile. i make dinner (things out of our garden) and we sit down around 6:30.
bathtime follows, then books, kisses and hugs like a monkey, and then it's bedtime by 8pm.
doug and i clean up and either flop on the couch or sit out by the fire to drink tea and chat. it's my favorite time of day.
we climb into bed sometime after 10pm, exhausted and ready to cuddle with the cool night air. the sky is black except for millions of stars and we hear crickets all night long.

do we deserve to be "safe"?
to what measures will we go to be safe?
are we the ones that should be creating those boundaries?

or...
do we deserve comfort?
what does comfort mean?

is convenience something we need?
what do we really need?

if we have what we need...
then do we need other people?
is it only for entertainment or emotional stability?

how do i further the kingdom of god here and now?

finn and i came down to florida to visit a friend and her baby while her husband is away.
we just got here on wednesday and we'll stay for a week.
leAnne and i used to live here and work together on the beach for almost a year. i loved that time together. and it's weird now being back. so much has changed. we were young and thin and single... and now we're getting older, married, each have little boy and are both pregnant!
we stopped at the heavenly biscuit for breakfast this morning... a place we used to love to go and relax. and it just wasn't that relaxing this time around. same with the beach or the pool... wow. i think it took finn about a minute and a half to be completely covered in sand.
but it's good to be together again for this short time.

on the other hand, i miss doug and our home and i look forward to autumn coming on the farm.

i'm at 21 weeks now and i can actually feel the baby with my fingers by pressing on my belly. the heartbeat has gone from 160 to 140 to 156 (at 3 different midwife appointments, 3 months apart). i'm thinking it's a boy, but maybe not? i don't know. either way i really go back and forth with thinking that i can handle two babies! we'll see.

i've gained almost 13.8 pounds so far and i'm about an inch bigger around this time than the last. i feel good though... except for that sciatic nerve thing. ouch...

okay. that's all for now.
oh, no more running. and walking hurts my back. yoga for me.
peace out.

i want my home to be...
relaxing, full of life, organic, lovely, dainty, peaceful, hopeful, creative, us...

i want my responses to finn to be...
trusting, soft, loving, consistent, life-giving, supportive, creative...

i want the art room to be...
a place of inspiration, joy, peace, laughter, cooperative play, creative, open, available...

i want doug and i to be...
everything we vowed on september 30, 2005.

okay. i gave up on the half marathon. i'm not happy about it. but that's that.
it's too dark in the mornings for me to run before doug goes to work. and i can't run with the jogger and take the dog... honestly, i don't even know how i could run with the jogger even if i didn't try to take chloe. the hills are enough that i'm afraid i'd lose him on a downhill! so i haven't been running much. i've been doing more yoga. and i enjoy it, but i really miss running. i need to fit it in somehow. thing is, i don't want to sacrifice time with my husband in the evenings to go then. well, i'm going tomorrow morning with kelsie and i'm really looking forward to at least that.

i love my kitchen. it's wonderful. in a week or so i'll post a picture of it. i'm thrilled about it. thank you kyle for my lights!!! thank you husband and father-in-law for my sink and stove and fridge!!! thank you dad for the yellow paint on the walls!!! it's a great kitchen.

so i'm just enjoying being in the house. and i'm kinda done with doing projects. i just want to live there now. but there still is a lot to do. doug worked out there all day alone today... i wonder what he got done. and i hung out with friends and celebrated a friend that is adorable with child. it was nice to be here today. it was nice to be in the hot weather too.

today i went to church with my in-laws. in the middle of the service a grandmother got up with a little baby boy to go to the back of the room. april pointed him out and i was immediately enamored... something leaped in my heart and i realized that i'm excited to have a new baby. it's a new feeling and i'm kinda in awe about it. my midwife thinks i'm having a boy because the heartbeat is on the slower side. and i'd be happy with another sweet boy. actually i'm really looking forward to it. but, we'll see. for now we're thinking of names. i can never think of boy names... any suggestions?

today i spent time in shiller park, at brown bag, and just walking around the village. it was nice to have some time alone where i could walk into a local art shop and see what other people are creating. i'm really looking forward to organizing the art room in my house. i want it to be easy and accessible. i want it to feel open and inspiring.

the first day that it was just finn and i at the farm together this was my lunch. a veggie melt (peppers, cheese, onion, dressing, mustard, mayo, tomato and lettuce on whole wheat), salt and pepper chips with ketchup, cherries and a great book. this book is called "the creative family" and it's written by amanda blake soule. i've been reading her blog for a while... it's http://www.soulemama.com/soulemama/
she has great ideas for being creative in your home with your children. i love it. check it out.

this past week was the o'connor summer family vacation in ohio. they split up between my house and my sister's. it was great to see my nieces and nephews. they span from 4yrs old to 23yrs old... they have grown so much in so many different ways. the best part of it all is how great they were with finn. they all wanted to take care of him and they took turns doing so. and he was so happy to be playing with the big kids. it was really wonderful to see them all together.

my house is coming together. i have a yellow kitchen and a brownish bedroom. i have a kitchen and a bathroom sink. and my tile is done! that was a great project. my father-in-law inspired me to do it and we did it together. it was very rewarding... especially with my mom watching finn all the while.

it's been nice having my parents around too especially to be with finn. when they first got here he wasn't sure who they were. but now there's no doubt who nana and papa are. he loves them and he's excited every morning when i get him out of bed and say "you want to go see nana and papa?" he claps his hands and starts running to the door. he also is always thrilled to arrive at aunt wendy's house. we turn the corner and he kicks his feet and shakes his arms around and makes lots of happy sounds. it's so cute every time.

so i guess finn is kinda "running" now. well, maybe it should be called fast walking. i'm not sure.

last night doug and i came into columbus to visit a friend from honduras. he goes to school at john carroll and happened to be in town for the weekend, so we got to hang out. it was really nice to see him. it's been two years since we left honduras. i probably think about that place at some point every day still. we brought him to german village and we walked around a little, sat in the park and went to thurmans. i can't even think of the last time i ate at thurmans. probably before we went to honduras. it was in honduras that doug and i started eating healthy and we decided that thurmans was gross. and we still kinda think so... but it was great last night! there was of course about 20 people waiting to get in... but doug is considered a regular there (from the time he lived in the village) and the servers got us in right away at the bar. we talked dany into the thermadelphia sub and doug and i shared the macedonia burger... absolutely delicious! i might want to start going back there... at least during this pregnancy!

my belly is poking out these days. the jeans i've worn all spring and summer are getting honduran tight. my boobs aren't as big as last time around, my belly not as hard. but i feel good. i gained 2.8 pounds last month. i've not been good at taking my prenatal vitamins. i'm a little out of sorts without a real routine. i can't wait to have my own kitchen! :)

current weaknesses include...
potato chips dipped in ketchup, eating way too big portions, any desserts, thinking i'm always hungry... and a new one: sunkist orange soda. i blame this one on my father-in-law for leaving one in the RV for me to wonder about. i've never liked orange pop before and for some reason it sounded good yesterday. and i'm having another one today.
this baby is NOT eating as healthy as finn did in the womb. maybe he/she will come out fatter!

tonight my father-in-law and i are cooking dinner... grilled corn on the cob, fresh tomato and basil pasta (simply in season), and for dessert: peach blueberry delight (also from simply in season, i LOVE this cookbook). this is a super easy and light summer meal and i'm really looking forward to it!

my husband and father-in-law are awesome. they refinished our hardwood floors and i'm thrilled. they are really pretty and they are OUR hardwood floors.
so they are drying now, and tomorrow afternoon we'll start moving in our things! yippee! we'll have a living room. and then we'll work on the kitchen and bathroom. i'm really excited. and i'm picking out paint colors which is a lot of fun. :)

chloe and i have been jogging together. this has been going well until the other day when i decided to do a different route which involved us going past the potter's house (where chloe stayed for a few weeks before we brought her to our house). she of course recognized it and would not listen to me even a little bit about not going to visit. i carried her back to the road and down a ways three times and she ran back still. i was so mad... there was nothing i could do about it but run home, get the leash and run back to get her. and i was almost home when i heard a car behind me and of course it was millie with chloe in the back.
so now chloe has to run on a leash which stinks because she still knows the way to the potter's and when we get to the turning point i end up dragging her for about a block until she decides to give up and keep running with me. this is not fun.

however, there are wonderful things about running around my new town... on this past run i saw three deer, a rabbit, a wild turkey, a ground hog, an amazing sunrise through the clouds and trees, many birds and beautiful bird songs, only one car drove by... it's so peaceful out there. i'm trying to run at least three times a week still. and i won't let myself run less than three miles each time. i still want to run the half marathon in october, but i'm kinda seeing that slip away. i am sad about it but i want to be realistic too. i've got a lot going on right now. regardless, today i'm going to look up a running plan and try to stick with it. chloe wakes at the break of dawn, and barks until i run with her... and that's similar to my past experience with kelsie. so i just need to keep up. :)

my family is coming in a week and a half for the "o'connor family vacation" that we try to do every other year. i'm really looking forward to seeing everyone. and this is the first time that i'll have a baby that can play with his cousins! that's exciting.

finn is sweet. he listens and often obeys. he says "truck". he gives kisses when he wants to. today even though there wasn't a ball in sight he walked onto a basketball court and said "ball" and pointed up to the hoop. his favorite thing to do right now is push his stroller around. so we go to shiller park and he pushes and i follow. it's actually really relaxing.